Thoughts, then formed and written.
There are certain miserable People to bee executed on the morrow, for horrible Crimes by them committed; A Man, for a Rape; and Two Negroes, for Burning of Houses, and Persons in them.[1]
What use am I to make of this?
I. Lett mee, with deep Humiliation reflect on the Vileness of my own Heart. It was the holy Bradford’s[2] Custome when hee heard of any atrocious Iniquity perpetrated, hee would lay his Hand on his Breast, and say, There is that in this Heart of mine, which would make mee as vile as the Vilest, if sovereign Grace did not prevent it. Alas, I have the Seed of all Corruption in mee. My Heart naturally departs from God; it is not any Vertue of my own, that keeps me from the most enormous Villanies. Oh! the Plague of my own Heart! Yea, and am I not guilty of Unbeleef? wherein there is as horrid Sin, as in the most horible Abominations that the Sword of civil Justice takes Vengeance for. O that I could abhor myself in Dust and Ashes; and when I see Malefactors hanged and burned, I may judge myself unworthy to breath in God’s Air, yea worthy to bee condemned unto everlasting Fire, with the Divel and his Angels.
II. Lett mee bee exceedingly Thankful, for the restraining Grace of God, which I may look back upon. Lord, why have not the Outbreakings of my corrupt Nature, been as hideous as any whatsoever! My Nature is as corrupt, as any Man’s in the World. Furious Temptations, to the worst of Wickednesses, at the very Thoughts whereof my Heart shivers, have sometimes assaulted mee; and I have been upon the very Brink of such Confusion, as perhaps never any poor Creature fell into. What was it that then upheld mee? Lord! Thou hast restrained mee, and Thou shalt have the Glory of this Goodness forever.
III. Let mee observer the Wayes of sinful Apostasy, that have carried any unhappy Wretches unto a fatal Miscarriage and a final Overthrow: and now avoid the same in myself, with all the Care imaginable. Yea, and solemnly warn othres, as far as God gives Opportunitie, to take heed of the like Undoings.
The bitter Anguishes raised in my Soul, by violent and enslaving Temptations, to Sins that had heretofore given mee the worst of Wounds imaginable, these were in this Month very singularly exercising to mee.
I had no Remedy, but continualy to fly and cry unto the Lord Jesus Christ; which I did, as a most wretched Man, for my Deliverance.
But, I desire, to walk humbly before the Lord, all my Dayes, in the Remembrance of the lothsome Corruptions, which my Soul has been from my Youth Polluted withal.[3] Lord, Wherewithal shall a young man cleanse his way?
Altho’ I have been kept from such Out-breakings of Sin, in Actions towards others, as have undone many in the World, yett I have certainly been one of the filthiest Creatures upon Earth.
If ever the Lord make any Use of mee to glorify His Name, after I have been such a polluted Sinner, the free, rich sovereign Grace of God, will have as glorious a Triumph as ever any poor Sinner could afford unto it.
From Diary of Cotton Mather: Volume One, 1681–1709.
[1] An account of this “overmuch wicked” man, William Cheny, is in the Magnalia, Bk. VI. 40. The negroes were Marja (negress), servant of Joshua Lambe, of Roxbury, and Jack, a servant, of Samuel Wolcott, of Wethersfield. Records Court of Assistants, I. 198.
[2] William Bradford, of Plymouth Plantation. The saying has been attributed to others, e.g. John Bunyan.
[3] His brother, Nathaniel, said: “Of the manifold sins which then [in boyhood] I was guilty of, none so sticks upon me as that, being very young, I was whitling on the Sabbath-day; and for fear of being seen, I did it behind the door. A great reproach of God! a specimen of that atheism that I brought into the world with me!” Magnalia, Bk. IV. 216. The extract illustrates the unfortunate moral surroundings of a child under the teachings of the day and the extraordinary application of the word atheism.
